What was first puberty like for you? Those of us who knew we were trans, queer, or gender-nonconforming probably spent our teen years actively raging against the process. Others deeper in the closet may have simply sensed that something didn\u2019t feel right. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Compulsory cishet* culture presents puberty as miserable, embarrassing, and extremely inflexible. For queer and TGNC people who are initially excited about their transition, they may begin to view their second puberty with the same negative outlook. Because of anti-queer violence and censorship, we have been deprived of a whole, healthy connection to generations of queer and trans elders. This means that whatever traditions of queer coming-of-age which used to exist seem to be lost to time. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
While we mourn that reality, we also are presented with an exciting opportunity to shake off what doesn\u2019t suit us from dominant culture(s) with flamboyant agency, and embrace our second puberty with a wily, trickster joy. Whether you\u2019re micro-dosing, seeking a full hormonal transition, or doing neither, I want to help my trans and queer kin sense our empowerment and potential for magic at this incredible turning point. The single story of transition as a traumatic medical slog that we hope may end with cis acceptance is not the only one. We can dare to feel the parts of second puberty that are actually wonderful, potent, and magical.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In first puberty, most of us were rocked by devastatingly low self-esteem. To suggest that this doesn\u2019t happen to trans and queer adults in second puberty would be very misleading: we still struggle deeply once we come out and become invested in making changes to our gender presentation. The mirror may lie or hurt us, and we grow impatient to see our future self bloom. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Thankfully, as adults in second puberty, we have a great deal more perspective on our feelings than we did as teenagers. We can schedule regular therapy and talk to other queer people who remind us of our worth and beauty at every stage in the journey. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
When you\u2019ve faced fears around things like medical access, transphobia, and coming out to those you love, some of the challenges that stymied you as a disempowered 13 or 14-year-old will now feel like child\u2019s play. You aren\u2019t a kid anymore, and the life experience you bring to your second puberty lends you confidence that will help you navigate this time. (It helps that once we start HRT most of us begin to age backward for a time\u2014so it\u2019s hard not to feel yourself!)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It may not surprise queer readers to know that many cisgender kids grow up into adults who feel deeply uncertain about their identities. Many cis adults aren\u2019t sure if they are \u201creal\u201d men and women, or if they have done enough to prove their gender identities. Trans and queer people also question our validity all the time\u2014the push to be \u201creal\u201d feels so much more important when our survival may depend on \u201cpassing.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The uncertainty we feel due to missing out on adulthood rites of passage can also lead to depression and misdirected anger as uninitiated teens grow older without fully transitioning into self-assured adults. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In second puberty, we can harness this knowledge and forge meaningful initiation traditions that help us grow into grounded, confident adults. You could choose to be recognized by community in a traditional ceremony from your faith. You could set yourself a difficult challenge or goal and find a mentor to help you achieve it. Your initiation could be a private ritual of intention done in Nature. Whatever path you take, slowing down and honoring the spirit of this moment is something most teenagers don\u2019t think about. Now\u2019s your chance to honor your transition in ceremony and grow up into the version of yourself that you\u2019ve always wanted to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The greatest treasure in our second puberty is undoubtedly our chosen family, community, and queer kin. If your parents had awful things to say about your changing body the first time, odds are you won\u2019t want them commenting on this transition. If your friends in school thought your bold fashion choices were \u2018kind of gay,\u2019 now you can surround yourself with the *definitely gay* crowd who are going to cheer you on with every strut (and share their cute clothes to help you build your closet and your confidence). Seek out people who uplift you, who remind you you are worthy and loved. With the wisdom you\u2019ve gained through the years, you have a better idea of who deserves to be close to you during moments of vulnerability and upheaval. You deserve for your transition to be serenaded by a cheer squad, not by your worst critics.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Second puberty is full of second, third, and fourth chances that bloom in sequence, enriching our experience of life in ways we never thought possible before. People around you may not understand why you are taking a positive outlook\u2014and they are entitled to feel however they feel about their own puberty, but one of your greatest qualities is that you are a free thinker who desires a felt sense of authenticity. Your spirit\u2019s striving for authentic grace and beauty means your true coming-of-age can only be a powerful expression that has never been seen on this earth before. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
There is a unique trans magic infused into every step of your path and you deserve to enjoy it deeply. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"